He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
