I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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