from now on my penis is your penis
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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