it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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