they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
