I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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