HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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