so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize