I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
