i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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