i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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