yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
