You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
