my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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