Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
