Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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