my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
