im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
