I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
