Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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