I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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