Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
