Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
