That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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