Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
