"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
