I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is the high leading the old right now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
