I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
