My first STD was from a foam party
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
