I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
