She's JV to your varsity
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
