I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
