I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
