I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
