using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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