you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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