haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
