my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
