i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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