A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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