Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
