I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
