P.S. I can't hear my feet
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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