Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
