It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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