Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize