How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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