dude i'm inner monologue high
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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