Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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