Where are you?
In a non slutty way
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
