There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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