i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
