my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Please don't give away my fajitas
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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