dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
