I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
