Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
