i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
