the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
