I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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