this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
