Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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