He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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