It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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