ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
