God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
