Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want to make out with him forever
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
