it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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