Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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