She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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