he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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