I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
