they need to just BURY HIM!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
