I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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