I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
