i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
