he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
