I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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