Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As shirtless as possible
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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